28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:28-33)
In our text for today, Paul continues to address husbands regarding our relationship with our wives. In v.28, Paul tells us to love our wives because they are their own bodies. The rest of the verse, "He who loves his wife loves himself" bears this out. When we love our wives, we are actually loving ourselves. Most of us just lack the transcendent perspective to realize it. In fact, men who do not love their wives like this are telling on themselves. They are saying, "I am insecure and immature." People who are complete are selfless and hungry not for themselves, they are hungry for the benefit of God and others.
Now, this type of maturity is not seen in how the husband does not hurt his wife only, the husband must also be careful to show positive love toward his wife. This is what Paul is getting at in the remainder of v.29 when he writes, "but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church." The word "feed" delivers the idea of maturing her emotionally, physically and spiritually.
We all have five love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and gifts of kindness. We are all motivated by our love languages, but those who really get love are those who discover their spouses love language(s) and love them accordingly. This is a very practical way for a husband to love or feed his wife.
In addition, Paul calls the husband to care for or cherish his wife. The phrase “care for” means “to soften or warm with body heat.” This word is used in Deuteronomy 22:6 to describe a bird sitting on her nest to provide body heat for her eggs, and in 1 Thessalonians 2:7 for how a nursing mother tenderly cares for her newborn child.
To care for our wives includes the idea that we will protect them. The best protection is discovered in the word of God. Therefore, the husband must be in the word daily, so that he can provide the wisdom that his wife needs to navigate the dangers in this sin-cursed world. And, when the husband does this, according to v.30, he heralds the gospel, because we are members of the body of Christ. Our loving relationship with our wives is a reflection of His loving relationship toward us and our understanding of such.
In v.31, the husband is told to "leave his father and mother and be united to his wife." To leave one's parents means that our parents are no longer our first priority. Our spouse and family are now our primary priority. If a husband choses to please his mother more than his wife, he is ignoring God on the subject. If a wife continues to go to her parents for emotional support, she is also ignoring God. For optimal growth as a husband and wife, the husband, by example, must lead his wife to leave her father and mother.
Paul closes our text for today by pointing us back to the mystery. The mystery is having a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus who trains us in how we most effectively relate with others. In Genesis 3:8 we are told "Then they heard the sound of the Eternal God walking in the cool misting shadows of the garden. The man and his wife took cover among the trees and hid from the Eternal God." God still desires to go through life with us. He wants to provide His best for us. And, He has communicated His desires for us through His word. We do well to seek Him for understanding His word, so that WE CAN OBEY HIM. It is His word that contains the keys to real life.
