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4 An overseer must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) ~ 1 Timothy 3:4-5
Godly leadership is a must in order to have a healthy church. This is the subject of 1 Timothy 3. I believe it was John Maxwell who once said, "A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way." As is illustrated in these first three chapters of 1 Timothy, if we do not have a personal and advancing walk with the Lord, we will not know the way for ourselves and we will not be able to show the way to others.
Today, we come back into a context where the Apostle Paul has given us instruction on being before doing. A leader is followed before his teaching is embraced. Thus, leadership is influence, and influence primarily is a direct result of a man's way of life. This is why, in 1 Timothy 3, the Apostle Paul lists the characteristics of an effective leader, because it is the influence of the one with the vision that sets the vision for those who follow.
It is not enough to teach the truth, the truth must be modeled. But, before we can influence others for and in the way and the truth, we must know the way and the truth for ourselves, otherwise, we dole out second hand information due to the fact that the way and the truth is only known on a first hand basis.
In v.4 of our text we read, "An overseer must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect."
To this point, the Apostle Paul has given us twelve marks of a good leader. Today, he gives us another very big mark of an effective leader: He leads his family authentically. The late Sam Walton once said, "Outstanding leaders go out of their way to boost the self-esteem of their personnel. If people believe in themselves, it's amazing what they can accomplish."
Those who stand in the place of spiritual leadership must have demonstrated the capability of such leadership in the home before they would be counted worthy to demonstrate it in any other setting. The family has always been the proving ground for leadership skills. This never will mean that the leader has a perfect family, it just means that he has a healthy family.
The word “manage” in v.4 has several dimensions of meaning to it. It means literally "to stand before." And one can stand before as one who leads when he does so as the one who protects or provides. The focus in this verse is care. We can see that at the end of the verse. The verse starts with the leading of the family, but it ends with a reference to caring for the church. Manage is a word that is not a flimsy word for it requires of the leader to say "no" to his family on certain things for their good. The trust that the leader's family gives him comes from the authenticity that grows out of his selfless love and concern for his family.
There are a lot of men who manage their family, but do they manage it well? If not, they will not get the desired effect which is summed up in two words: obey and respect.
A true leader has the confidence to stand alone in a world of torrential waters. This confidence comes from his authentic and personal relationship to and with the Lord. And, this is something that can not be faked before his family. This confidence in the Lord will produce in him the courage that he will need to make tough decisions, and the compassion to listen to the needs of his family. True leaders do not set out to be such, but after some time they discover that they are true leaders because of their authentic walk with the Lord.
Spirituality is not the same as morality, however, when a man is walking with the Lord, when he is walking in His Spirit, he will be a moral man. Spirituality is so much more than morality, it is the giving of God's heart to the man who demonstrates what he wants to see in his family. And, of course, the Lord gives His heart to those who are giving their heart to Him. When this happens, the children of the leader will recognize the authenticity of their father and will render the proper obedience and respect. This is a pattern from the Lord and His word does not come back void. The leader's authenticity mixed with his humility and honesty is what garners obedience and respect from those who follow.
