20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. (Colossians 3:20-21)
The expectation of children in our culture today is to succeed at school by making good grades. But, the instruction from God for children is to learn to relate well with others.
For children, the most defining human relationship is with their fathers. This is why God begins with that relationship for children. And God commands children to obey their fathers. In fact, God commands obedience in everything.
Disobedience results in disrespect, not only toward our fathers but in all relationships with authority figures, even ourselves. In fact, it is this disrespect that erodes the posture in our yielded lives that allows us to receive from the God the security that is needed to mature us in all ways.
God provides this instruction for children so that the infrastructure will be developed so that the children will respect all authority for the rest of their lives. Much of our success in life emanates from this development of respect for authority.
God tells fathers do not “embitter" your children which means do not "provoke your children to anger.” As seen in Ephesians 6:4, fathers provoke our children to anger when we do not train them up in the ways of the Lord. We train our children best when we encourage the default mode that God placed in all of our hearts. This default mode is the ways of the Lord.
The word "train" in Ephesians 6:4 borrows from the practice of the Old Testament midwife. After delivering the baby, the midwife would dip her finger in a jar of date juice followed by sticking that finger in the newborn's mouth. They did this to create a desire in the newborn to want to suck. As a result, their children will benefit in all their other relationships. This
Children long for guidance and involvement with their fathers, not for a superficial relationship. The lack of such guidance and involvement will most often create a deep-seated, sometimes lifelong feeling of resentment. They will also become discouraged from the ways of God.
The primary characteristic of all of these relationships is respect. When a husband loves his wife, he respects her. When a wife submits to her loving husband, it is respect. When children obey their fathers, they are respecting them.
